IT ALL STARTED ON THE DYM! This is how it got started. A casual post on the DYM was the springboard for H A Z Z A R D C O U N T Y L I N E ___________________________________________________________________________ MJR MSG# 28244 08/19/89 20:40 Read: 41 FROM: MAJOR Mike TO: ALL SMRY: Words o wisdom... If'n ya can't run with the big hounds.... Stay on the porch..... 08/20/89 20:26 BOBBY Bob hahahaha!! And y'all don't need no sports car either! 08/21/89 06:17 MAJOR Mike get a convertible pickup... 08/21/89 10:22 BOBBY Bob I got one... All I need is a torch! 08/21/89 13:38 MAJOR Mike need a match? 08/21/89 14:16 SYSOP The Boss Your breath and a buffalo fart! 08/21/89 14:35 BOBBY Bob OOOOOLLLLLLDDDDD!!! (Yawn) 08/22/89 07:16 MAJOR Mike This comin' from a man who chomps his lunch while sittin' on the sloose. Only man in creation that has a fridge next to the sloose... ___________________________________________________________________________ MJR MSG# 28243 08/19/89 19:57 Read: 43 FROM: MAJOR Mike TO: ALL SMRY: YOU TOO KIN BE A REDNECK! Enroll now fer the Fall Session of Major Mike's Redneck Awareness Program to be held on alternate Tuesdays at the Huntsville Alabama VFW Hall (Right next door to Catfish Heaven on the interstate). Sign up below. The curriculum will concentrate on the following: Propah use o' the English lagwije... Correct Stance and positioning of using a baseball bat. How to choose a decent hopund. Your pickup truck and you.... What the emblems on beer cans REALLY mean. How to go without shaving for days and not itch. sign up today! 08/19/89 20:27 MAJOR Mike Jest got in a news flash regarding approval of added subject of study fer the fall session: The propah tekneek o swingin' rocks an' socks... Creative beer can crushin' Why you REALLY have a buckle on yer belt... how to get your hound to stay in the back of the pickup.... how to get your hound outta the pickup once he's trained..... how to find a used pickup truck why Chevy ain't never made a real truck in the last 75 years... how to locate any roadhouse in the area.... possum skinin' for fun and profit............ breakin in a baseball cap...... why it ain't no coincidence that NRA means National Redneck Association...... finding cheap ammo.... why a 12 guage is more effective a short range than a rifle.... how to spit korrectly.... (according to Ms Manners...) how to avoid revival meetin's at all costs.... And too much more to mark down here. Y'all better sign up right quick. There's a limited enrollment, so mark yoself down before there ain't no guest speakers periodicly thruout the semester. Confirmed speakers are, Elvis, Jerry Falwell (make sure you bring yer socks for that one!), Roscoe P Coltrain, Sherrif JT, and Ollie North! (jail term notwithstandin') Y'all sign up now y'hear! 08/20/89 14:06 WILD Wally Mike, there is a revival meeting on the corner of Park and Chandler this weekend. They have a tent and everything. Why don't you come back and attend? 08/20/89 20:23 BOBBY Bob You don't want no Good 'ole Boy like him heckling the revivler's now do ya? 08/21/89 09:02 WILD Wally I guess not. 08/21/89 10:21 BOBBY Bob hahahaha!!!!!! 08/21/89 18:04 RICHARD RICHARD Ye gods! What would Mother say? 08/22/89 07:15 MAJOR Mike probably say "Sheeeit!" ___________________________________________________________________________ MJR MSG# 28257 08/20/89 04:51 Read: 31 FROM: SYSOP The Boss TO: ALL SMRY: Major Mike vs Websters Major Mike's Dictionary: SLOOSE (Sl-OOOOZ): n: The point of contact between the human backside and the aircraft in the little room away aft in said airplane. v: to dump the contents of said sloose upon unsuspecting sysops. SLOOSEY: adj: Pertaining to a sloose. Having similar characteristics to a sloose. Webster's Dictionary: SLUICE: n. 1. An artificial channel or passage for water, having a gate or valve at it's head to regulate the flow, as as in a canal or millstream. 2. The water held back by or passing through such a gate. 3. Any channel, especially one for excess water. 08/20/89 11:55 MAJOR Mike How the hell would Webster know what a SLOOSE is anyhoo? He died at least a hunnerd years afore ol' orville and wilber invented the first open air sloose! Sheesh! 08/20/89 12:06 MAJOR Mike 'sides, if we follow Webster's lead, le' s all dump opur excess water on the sysop! 08/20/89 12:54 RANDY Randall que que que que que que 08/20/89 20:25 BOBBY Bob I think Randy is just an IN-Cog-neat-oh for Roscoe P.!!! 08/21/89 18:49 RANDY Randall We gotta get them Duke Boys!! 08/21/89 20:36 BOBBY Bob Just keep kissin Boss's ass! 08/22/89 07:14 MAJOR Mike where the hell is uncle Jesse when ya needs him, anyhoo? ___________________________________________________________________________ MJR MSG# 28237 08/19/89 14:20 Read: 47 FROM: BOBBY Bob TO: ALL SMRY: WOW!!!! Hey Everybody! Look! The Major's got his name in lights!!!! Check out the title of this board! (Bd. 13 <--- figgers!) hahahaha.... 08/19/89 15:35 SYSOP The Boss We won't say who it's unlucky fer! 08/19/89 19:52 MAJOR Mike Shit! after having been here for a coupla years, my luck couldn't get no worse! Sheesh! 08/20/89 00:46 BOBBY Bob Glutton fer punishment??? hahaha!! 08/20/89 11:55 MAJOR Mike Must be... I keep on callin' back, don' I? 08/20/89 14:04 WILD Wally so it would seem! 08/20/89 20:24 BOBBY Bob Least he don't shit where he's gonna eat! 08/21/89 18:50 RANDY Randall I don't know about that, I thought I smelt grits and chitlin's in the sloose. 08/21/89 20:34 BOBBY Bob You eat in the sloose, do ya? Y'all oughta change yer handle to something more appropriate... Like "The Fly" mebbe? 08/22/89 03:03 SYSOP The Boss I thought it was fried chickin and watermellon! 08/22/89 07:14 MAJOR Mike let's watch that talk there, boy! ___________________________________________________________________________ MJR MSG# 28148 08/16/89 05:58 Read: 124 FROM: MAJOR Mike TO: ALL SMRY: didja all know that this is National Elvis Week? Saw the ol' boy again on my way to the orient when I was over the Bering Strait at 42,000. Seems he was a might pissed cause I changed direction of travel on him an' he had to make some smoke to catch up with me. (wrong end of the continent and all that). Anyhoo, he wants me to remind y'all that this week being his an' all, that he plans to make a comeback mighty soon. He's been a might peeved that nobody responded to his posts on here, so y'all better start sending some fan mail soon or the ol' boy just may desert us! since he had to move fast, he left Roy Orbeson behind, seein' as ol' Roy can't navigate too good in the dark or otherwise, and naturally the Big Bopper was carryin' a few too many lbs to make weights and balances so he stayed behind too. Kinda missed seein' the two of them. Buddy Holly mighta come along, but he was doin' a gig with Richie Valens at the VFW hall in Toledo. Seems they was recruited special for that to celebrate the Mud Hen's only win of the season to date... Elvis was mighty envious too, about Bobby's new Tennesee Toothpick. Kinda liked the built in video instructions that came with it. Seems he's been a watchin' Bobby practice with it. Says Bobby outta learn to keep his head down and his left arm a little straighter when he swings, tho... Guess I musta made me a friend of Elvis, cuz' this was the first time he came into the aircraft instead of just perchin' on the nose cone. Course it coulda been that he needed to use the Sloose. He did disappear aft for a minute or two, and I did get a couple of inquiries from the stews about something to do with Las Vegas. Guess dying musta been pretty good to Elvis cuz' he's lost a few pounds along the way, so when he does show up, everyone figgers he's an impersonator.. Well, that's about all I got for this Elvis update... Y'all start sending in them cards and letters now y'hear?! 08/16/89 08:52 WILD Wally Just a question, Mike. HOW did you get started with this ? I know you have been under a strain lately, but really!! 08/16/89 09:25 BOBBY Bob Project Blue Book is still looking for Mike.. they have a few questions... And how'd Elvis know about the bruise on the side o' my head from keeping my arm bent????? (Theme from twilight zone playing distantly in background) 08/16/89 12:12 MAJOR Mike Dontcha know Bobby, that Elvis looks out fer his own? 08/16/89 13:56 WILD Wally 08/16/89 19:49 MAJOR Mike SHEESH! 08/16/89 21:13 BOBBY Bob Sorry Wally.. gonna have to side with Mike on this one... If he says there's someone up there looking out for me, well.. I aint about to look a gift-Elvis in the mouth! 08/17/89 03:33 SYSOP The Boss 08/17/89 05:19 MAJOR Mike Atta Way, Bobby! Just y'all remember what I told you the other night.... Don't Re-fuel! Seen Elvis again early this AM a hoverin' outside my hotel window.. wanted me to tell ya how he watched ya practicing with yer toothpick and he says yer doin' better on keepin' yer head low, and that arm is in better form. Did say though that ya should watch out for your backswing a little, and that ya should wrap real tight on yer follow thru! 08/17/89 07:22 BOBBY Bob haha!!! Yeah! I damn near put the thing through the dang-blasted picture window! Elvis forgot to mention "Stay away from fragile expensive obejects"! Ask him next time what he thinks about my going on to the one handed fancy stuff once I've gotten down the two handed swings!... As fer the follow through... I've had to cut it shy less'n I lose me a picture tube! 08/17/89 11:34 MAJOR Mike Elvis recommends that if'n your aiming to hit low that ya adopt a decent stance and turn into the swing. If y'all are planning on hittin' hi then it's better to use the Michigan axe approach... 08/17/89 14:28 WILD Wally 08/17/89 17:00 BOBBY Bob hahaha!! Wally better be careful around these parts... he's bound to hurt his neck! (kidding) I wuz just aiming to hit bout face level is all... (But with the picture window in the way.. it gets a bit hairy!) 08/17/89 22:34 MAJOR Mike Ya don't try for the hairy part Bobby! That there's the padded section! sheesh! 08/17/89 23:52 BOBBY Bob hahaha.... boooo! (Least I won't shake my head!) Geeze! With all the head shaking goin' on around these parts, you'd think we were at Wimbeldon or something! 08/18/89 02:47 SYSOP The Boss Bob won't shake his head 'cause he's afraid the extra motion will cause a few more hairs to fall out! 08/18/89 05:43 MAJOR Mike Shake rattle an' ROLL! By the way, Elvis told me ag'in this AM how mighty diappointed he is that he ain't gettin' no fan mail outta this gig. Seems he was Lonesome Tonite so somewhere along the course of the evening he replaced the sign on the Ariaiko Hotel so it says Heartbreak Hotel now. Says if'n folks don't wanna send him no mail from here, then he'll just see if he can find Lou Gherig and borrow his bat to go huntin' with me an Bobby when I gets back to the states.. Wanted me to ask ya Bobby if yer out lookin' fer a hound fer yerself, if'n ya wouldn't keep an eye peeled for one fer him as well.. he ain't fussy... jest don't get one that's a cryin' all the time. Y'hear? 08/18/89 09:44 BOBBY Bob Loud and clear! We don't want any o' dem wimpy hounds on the hunt! Tell him to find Old Yeller... I hear he was a might strong cooner in his day! 08/18/89 11:25 MAJOR Mike Elvis is partial, I think, to them ugly bloodhound types. Keep an eye peeled! 08/18/89 14:25 BOBBY Bob Sho' thing! / 08/18/89 19:12 RANDY Randall What be y'all hunt'n fo'? 08/18/89 23:25 MAJOR Mike If'n you gotta ask that question, then you don't read these posts from stem to stern, that's fer sure! 08/19/89 04:28 BOBBY Bob Less'n he's an Evelyn Wood groupie! 08/19/89 10:09 MAJOR Mike Ain't too hard to speed read around here the way this has been crawlin' up the screen lately! 08/19/89 13:44 BOBBY Bob hahahaha!!! Sho' nuff' no speed reading tickets to be given out here! 08/19/89 19:27 MAJOR Mike le's all move down south where there ain't no speed limits! 08/20/89 01:40 BOBBY Bob Just dirt roads! hahaha!!! (Six of one, half a dozen of another!) 08/20/89 11:54 MAJOR Mike guess'n we all better git us a 4 by.... 08/20/89 20:26 BOBBY Bob How y'all s'posed to keep the dog in the back on bumps like that?! 08/21/89 06:17 MAJOR Mike chain him to the bumper.. 08/21/89 10:22 BOBBY Bob Is that why they howl the way they do? Never would'a figgered! haha! 08/21/89 13:37 MAJOR Mike Only do that if'n they bounce outta the back when yer on the move... 08/21/89 14:35 BOBBY Bob Leave a neat stripe down the middle of the road tho'... 08/22/89 03:04 SYSOP The Boss So that's what happened to Old Yella! 08/22/89 07:13 MAJOR Mike yep, now he's ol' Macadam .. ___________________________________________________________________________ Now Y'all know the rest of the story.....