THE YEAR IS 1962 AND THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT'S POLICY OF SPECIALIZED
MEDICINE HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO INCLUDE "PROXY POPS". THAT IS, ANY MARRIED
WOMAN NOT HAVING A CHILD IN THE FIRST 5 YEARS OF MARRIAGE MUST RECEIVE
THE SERVICE OF A GOVERNMENT MAN WHO WILL ATTMEPT TO BE THE MEANS OF HER
BECOMING A MOTHER.

THE SMITHS HAVE NO CHILDREN AND THE GOVERNMENT MAN IS DUE. SMITH LEAVES
FOR WORK. HE HAS A HANG-DOG LOOK AS HE PECKS HIS WIFE DUTIFULLY AT THE
DOOR.

HE LEAVES AND THE WIFE PRETTIES HERSELF; PUTTING ON HER MOST SEDUCTIVE
NEGLIGEE. BUT INSTEAD OF THE GOVERNMENT MAN, A DOOR-TO-DOOR
PHOTOGRAPHER, SPECIALIZING IN BABY PICTURES, KNOCKS ON THE DOOR.

MRS:  OH, GOOD MORNING.

MAN:  YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW ME BUT I REPRESENT....

MRS:  OH YES, YOU NEEDN'T EXPLAIN, MY HUSBAND SAID TO EXPECT YOU.

MAN:  I MAKE A SPECIALTY OF BABIES -- ESPECIALLY TWINS.

MRS:  THAT IS WHAT MY HUSBAND SAID. PLEASE SIT DOWN.

MAN:  THEN, YOUR HUSBAND PROBABLY TOLD YOU THAT....

MRS:  OH YES, WE BOTH AGREED IT IS THE BEST THING TO DO.

MAN:  WELL, IN THAT CASE, WE MAY AS WELL GET STARTED.

MRS:  (BLUSHING) JUST - JUST WHERE DO WE START?

MAN:  JUST LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME MADAM. I RECOMMEND TWO IN THE BATHTUB,
      ONE ON THE COUCH, AND A COUPLE ON THE FLOOR.

MRS:  BATHTUB?  FLOOR?  NO WONDER HARRY AND I ....

MAN:  WELL, MY DEAR LADY, EVEN THE BEST OF US CAN'T GUARANTEE A GOOD 
      ONE EVERY TIME. BUT SAY - OUT OF SIX, ONE IS BOUND TO BE A 
      HONEY. I USUALLY HAVE THE BEST LUCK WITH THE SHOTS IN THE 
      BATHTUB.

MRS:  PARDON ME, BUT IT SEEMS A BIT INFORMAL.

MAN:  NO INDEED, IN MY LINE A MAN CAN'T DO HIS BEST WORK IN A HURRY
      (HE OPENS THE ALBUM AND SHOWS THE BABY PICTURE TO HER). LOOK
      AT THIS BABY--IT'S A GOOD JOB, TOOK 4 HOURS, BUT ISN'T SHE A
      LOVELY CHILD.

MRS:  YES, SHE IS BEAUTIFUL.

MAN:  BUT FOR A TOUGH ASSIGNMENT LOOK AT THIS BABY. BELIEVE IT OR NOT IT
      WAS DONE ON TOP OF A BUS IN PICADILLY CIRCUS.

MRS:  MY GOD!

MAN:  IT'S NOT HARD WHEN A MAN KNOWS HIS JOB. MY WORK IS A PLEASURE.
      I SPENT LONG YEARS PERFECTING MY TECHNIQUE. NOW TAKE THIS BABY
      --DID IT WITH ONE SHOT IN ALEXANDER'S WINDOW.

MRS:  I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

MAN:  AND HERE'S A PICTURE OF THE PRETTIEST TWINS IN TOWN. THEY TURNED
      OUT EXCEPTIONALLY WELL WHEN YOU CONSIDER THEIR MOTHER WAS SO
      DIFFICULT. BUT I KNOCKED OFF THE JOB IN HYDE PARK ON A SUNDAY
      AFTERNOON. IT TOOK FROM TWO UNTIL FIVE. I NEVER WORKED UNDER SUCH
      DIFFICULT CONDITIONS. PEOPLE WERE CROWDED AROUND 4 AND 5 DEEP
      PUSHING TO GET A GOOD LOOK.

MRS:  FOUR OR FIVE DEEP?

MAN:  YES -- AND MORE THAN THREE HOURS. BUT I HAD TWO BOBBIES HELPING
      ME. I COULD HAVE HAD ANOTHER SHOT BEFORE DARK, BUT BY THAT TIME,
      THE SQUIRRLES WERE NIBBLING MY EQUIPMENT AND I HAD TO GIVE UP.
      --------- WELL, MADAM, IF YOU ARE READY, I'LL SET UP MY TRIPOD AND
      GET TO WORK.

MRS:  TRIPOD ????

MAN:  YES, I ALWAYS USE A TRIPOD TO REST MY EQUIPMENT ON. IT IS MUCH TOO
      HEAVY FOR ME TO HOLD FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME. MRS. SMITH?--MRS.
      SMITH?-------MADAM?-----MY GOSH, SHE HAS FAINTED DEAD AWAY!





OBTAINED FROM WA6PIR - RELAYED BY DOUG,  K6HGF ,  NORTHRIDGE,  CALIF.