SEVENTEEN RULES FOR THE WITLESS HOW TO SUCCED WITHOUT TALENT 1. STUDY TO LOOK TREMENDOUSLY IMPORTANT. 2. SPEAK WITH GREAT ASSURANCE - STICKING CLOSELY, HOWEVER, TO GENERALLY ACCEPTED FACTS. 3. AVOID ARGUMENTS, BUT IF CHALLENGED, FIRE AN IRRELEVANT QUESTION AT YOUR ANTAGONIST AND INTENTLY POLISH YOUR GLASSES WHILE HE TRIES TO ANSWER. AS AN ALTERNATIVE, HUM UNDER YOUR BREATH WHILE EXAMINING YOUR FINGERNAILS. 4. CONTRIVE TO MINGLE WITH IMPORTANT PEOPLE. 5. BEFORE TALKING WITH A MAN YOU WISH TO IMPRESS, FERRET OUT HIS REMEDIES FOR CURRENT PROBLEMS, THEN ADVOCATE THEM STRONGLY. 6. LISTEN WHILE OTHERS WRANGLE, THEN PLUCK OUT A PLATITUDE AND DEFEND IT RIGHTEOUSLY. 7. WHEN ASKED A QUESTION BY A SUBORDINATE, GIVE HIM A 'HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND' STARE UNTIL HE GLANCES DOWN, THEN PARAPHRASE THE QUESTION BACK TO HIM. 8. ACQUIRE A CAPABLE STOOGE, BUT KEEP HIM IN THE BACKGROUND. 9. IN OFFERING TO PERFORM A SERVICE, IMPLY YOUR COMPLETE FAMILIARITY. 10. ARRANGE TO BE THE CLEARING HOUSE FOR ALL COMPLAINTS. IT ENCOURAGES THE THOUGHT THAT YOU ARE IN CONTROL AND ENABLS YOU TO KEEP THE STOOGE IN HIS PLACE. 11. NEVER ACKNOWLEDGE THANKS FOR YOUR ATTENTION-- THIS WILL IMPLANT SUBCONSCIOUS OBLIGATION IN THE MIND OF YOUR VICTIM. 12. CARRY YOURSELF IN THE GRAND MANNER. REFER TO YOUR ASSOCIATES AS "SOME OF THE BOYS IN OUR OFFICE". DISCOURAGE LIGHT CONVERSATION THAT MIGHT BRIDGE THE GAP BETWEEN BOSS AND MAN. 13. WALK SWIFTLY FROM PLACE TO PLACE AS IF ENGROSSED IN AFFAIRS OF GREAT MOMENT. KEEP YOUR OFFICE DOOR CLOSED.. INTERVIEW BY APPOINTMENT ONLY. GIVE ORDERS BY MEMORANDA. REMEMBER, YOU ARE A BIG SHOT AND YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHO KNOWS IT. 14. NEVER AGREE WITH ANY IDEA OR CHANGE UNLESS YOU PROPOSED IT FIRST. 15. BUILD YOURSELF AN EMPIRE BY REQUIRING DETAILED STUDIES AND VOLUMINOUS INFORMATION FROM A BUSY DEPARTMENT. AFTER THE DEPART- MENT CHIEF AND HIS WORKERS ARE SNOWED UNDER WITH THE ADDED WORK- LOAD, BE MAGNANIMOUS AND OFFER TO HEAD UP THE DEPARTMENT SO THAT THE PRESENT CHIEF CAN ATTEND TO THE DETAILS. 16. INCREASE YOUR EMPIRE BY CHANGING THE OFFICE MODUS OPERANDI TO MAKE IT MORE INTRICATE THUS REQUIRING MORE WORKERS. 17. NEVER COORDINATE ANYTHING WITH ANYONE SINCE THAT IMPLIES THAT YOU ARE NOT THE BIG SHOT THAT YOU WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW YOU ARE. AND THE FIRST THIRTEEN WERE PICKED UP IN FRANCE---- SINCE THEN I HAVE ADDED THE OTHERS SINCE BEING IN CIVIL SERVICE! THE GUY THAT CAUSED ME TO ADD NUMBER 14 DIDN'T SPEAK TO ME FOR OVER FOUR MONTHS AFTER HE SAW WHAT I HAD ADDED!!!! AND THAT WAS JUST FINE AS FAR AS I WAS CONCERNED!!!! ORIGINATOR UNKNOWN